The past three days have been a mix of manic tirades, nausea (mostly day three), throat pain, severe irritability, unbelievable urges/cravings and overall, just an inability to sit still. Today I randomly did 25 push-ups in the middle of the workday just to take my mind off of smoking. I try to read yet I can't get past page three. I take baths but can't lay down for more than five minutes. I wake up in the middle of the night and stuff my face with whatever drink/food is within reach. It used to seem like no one smoked, now that I'm done, EVERYONE seems to smoke. I see a cigarette at every turn. It's taunting me.
How do I defeat it? Every time I consider buckling, I think the following: 1) I've now been a smoker for 18 years! EIGHTEEN YEARS! This is no longer a hobby, 2) I think of the suits in the sweet offices at RJ Reynolds. These scum are making money off of my slow suicide. No more......! 3) Cancer.
I think I'm in the homestretch. Tomorrow HAS to be easier. And if not, the weekend should be easier. Or next week. It has to happen soon.