June 8, 2009
My dearest friend:
Have you forgotten us? We’ve not forgotten you. Forget that last post. All lies. Here’s the real story, warts, lowered expectations and all.
IT FEELS SO GOOD WHEN I STOP
Joe’s book, It Feels So Good When I Stop will be released by Riverhead (an honest-to-God publisher) on August 6. It is very good, despite the unfair characterization of my people, and despite the fact that pretty much every other word is a curse. In fact, you should note that the book is not appropriate for children, people over 65 or Joe’s sister Judy. It should not be given as a bar or bat mitzvah or confirmation gift (unless you’re being confirmed by the United States Senate as opposed to the parish priest), or left under anyone’s pillow as if it’s from the Easter bunny. I’m not kidding about this. It is FILTHY, and obviously comes from the mind of a disturbed person.*
You can now pre-order this book, if you desire, by using these links on the web page below.
You can also pre-order not using these links, but if you use the links, we get a few pennies per sale, and we promise to spend them wisely, perhaps, at Joe’s request, renting a Crown Vic* for the tour I’ll tell you about later in this novella. We will NOT be selling the book via mail order. Do you seriously expect me to carry hundreds of hardcover books to the post office to mail them to you? I love you even more than I love my facebook friends,* but seriously. We will be selling them on tour though, because then Jose has to carry them.
IT FEELS SO GOOD WHEN I STOP (NOVEL SOUNDTRACK)
On August 4, Ashmont Records (formerly Ashmont Records and Tapes) will be releasing a CD called It Feels So Good When I Stop (Novel Soundtrack) which contains songs, recorded by Joe, Bob Pernice, Peyton Pinkerton and Mike Belitsky, that are mentioned in the book. This is the track listing, but not necessarily the sequence.
1. Soul and Fire (Sebadoh)
2. Chevy Van (Sammy Johns)
3. Tell Me When It’s Over (The Dream Syndicate)
4. I’m Your Puppet (James and Bobby Purify)
5. Found a Little Baby (Plush)
6. Hello It’s Me (Todd Rundgren)
7. That’s How I Got to Memphis (Tom T. Hall)
8. I Go to Pieces (Del Shannon)
9. Chim Chim Cheree (Bill Walsh, Richard Sherman, Irwin Kostal)
10. Black Smoke (No Pope) (The Young Accuser)
You might already know this, as I was tweeting the tracks before I lost interest. But no one except for “social media entrepreneurs” and “2.0 marketers,” one impatient Pernice Brothers fan and one girl who shows up everywhere I say I’m going, seem to be following me over there. But if you’re not on twitter, I do recommend it, because it’s really very interesting to know what other people are having for lunch.*
SUB POP SINGLE
Anyway, and here’s where this gets a bit complicated. The Young Accuser is doing a Sub Pop single. In Joe’s book, the narrator, who is not Joe, is in a band called The Young Accuser for a short time. After the fictional narrator leaves this fictional band, they fictionally record a fictional song called “Black Smoke (No Pope)” and send it to the non-fictional Sub Pop. This is a non-fiction version of that fictional single. Of interest may be the fact that a cover of an even earlier fictional “Black Smoke (No Pope)” was recorded by the non-fictional Joe Pernice and appears on the non-fictional companion CD referenced above (see track listing).
Of course, this isn’t really the confusing part. You’re undoubtedly confused about us working with Sub Pop. I’m sure you’ve heard that back in the 20th century, before you were born, Joe had a multi-dollar deal with Sub Pop Records, and I was an employee there. In fact, I clawed my way all the way up to the position of VP of A & Argument, and signed about a dozen bands now remembered by about a dozen people, mostly from the Maritime Provinces (bands and people). One of those bands, from the Maritime province of Massachusetts, was of course the Scud Mountain Boys. This is where our crazy roller-coaster of a business affair began. We let you all believe, because it made for a juicy story and because we’ll do ANYTHING to sell a record, that our relationship with Sub Pop was one of those classic big-bad-corporate-label vs. scrappy-underdog-artist and long-suffering manager they-done-us-wrong things. We let you believe it – nay, we perpetuated it – because we know how you like to support the “indie” artists. The truth* is that we felt that Sub Pop wasn’t big enough for US, so at our request, they graciously SOLD Joe’s and my contract to a 20-year-old venture capitalist (remember them?) who has since lost all of his money and is now backpacking around the world, holding poetry slams in third world countries. NOW we’re indie. So please support us. But don’t hate the music business. It only did our bidding.
As for this tour, please don’t hate me. Hate geography, time, financial concerns, etc., but not me. Actually, I don’t care if you hate me. But the tour will visit only 11 cities in North America, and we are announcing just four actual dates today. I know that many of you will be unhappy about this, and you can unsubscribe if you want to, but I hope you won’t because I would miss you.* (Note my spam filter is set to automatically delete any email that contains the words “I can’t believe you won’t play (any city other than the 11). You suck.”)* If you’re going to email me something to that effect, avoid those specific words.
Rather than do a reading-only tour for the book and a music-only tour for the album, Joe decided to mash the two together, and combine reading sections of the book with performing songs from the book/album. He will perform solo. He will sign books. Tickets for the four shows listed go on sale Friday, June 12, except the Iota, which apparently doesn’t do advance tickets.
August 5, Brattle Theatre, Cambridge, MA (2 shows)
August 7, Bowery Ballroom, New York, NY
August 8, Tin Angel, Philadelphia, PA
August 9, Iota, Arlington, VA
This show contains adult material and is not suitable for children, no matter how mature you may think they are. As stated earlier, it is also not suitable for people over 65, or for Joe’s sister Judy. Opening the east coast shows will be The Walsh Brothers, a Boston-bred, Los Angeles-based comedy duo. Here is where, according to them, I am supposed to write a bunch of stuff that a lady would never write about gentlemen. Joe says, “I’m not too worried about offending the easily offended. I figure the Walsh Brothers will clear them out LONG before I hit the stage.”
In the coming weeks, we will also announce shows in Toronto, Chicago, Minneapolis, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco and Los Angeles. And that is going to be it for now.
MURPHY BED (or whatever it ends up being called)
When he last wrote, Joe told you that his next album, Murphy Bed would also come out this year. Big fat lie. Or overreach. Either way, it will be 2010. All I can tell you is that Joe, James Walbourne, Ric Menck and Bob Pernice have been working on this one since around the time that the second consecutive Massachusetts Speaker of the House was indicted. But between Joe’s schedule as a hot new Americanadian author, James’s schedule as a hot young Pretender, Bob’s schedule as a corporate scientist, Menck’s schedule as Menck and my schedule as an impediment, it’s been slow going.
As has this missive. And with that I leave you
Your faithful servant, and her faithful servant
Joyce, and Charlie Ashmont
*not actually the truth