The Hungry and the Hunted

"I have these abilities. I don't know what they are. But I know that they're there. And I don't know where they're going to lead me. But wherever that is, I have to go. Even if it's down a bunch of blind alleys, til I find the one that I do want to go down."
-Bruce Springsteen, "Wings for Wheels" DVD

This morning, I hopped out of bed and worked on completing a project I've been working on for some time. I was then about to turn to writing when I suddenly felt inspired to put on the Springsteen Born To Run making-of DVD Wings for Wheels. While watching Bruce, the band, Landau, Appel and Iovine reflect on the making of this masterpiece, I was caught by the above quote by Springsteen, who was reflecting on what led to the recording and ultimate completion of this rock masterpiece.

It's how I feel, I thought. In some sense. Ever since my dream job came to a close in the spring of 2008 I've sort of been on a search; one that was, and is, in many ways out of my control. When that job wrapped up, there was really no immediate role that could compare. Everything paled. It was like being with the woman of your dreams and then perusing Yahoo personals. That analogy REALLY blows, but you probably get my attempt at an analogy. Basically, I was deflated. A truly inspirational job and company, notwithstanding its faults, was over and, in a circuitous way, I walked away with it. I accepted a few subsequent roles, and as hard as I tried, none could provide the energy and drive that the almost three years at said company provided.

And then, after 13 years in a an industry that, in many ways, hits my core, following a short stint at another post-dream-job company, I decided to put on the brakes. But now I was going to take the time. This time allowed me to finally "recover" from that dream job, and while doing so, a new spirit started to rise in me. It was one of those things that I, or we, just can't control. It comes and it almost knocks you over. It's a risk. It's major change. The results are incredibly unknown. And there may never even be any results. And, this morning, that quote above nailed exactly how I've felt for closing in on two years. "Whatever it is, I have to go, even if it's down a bunch of blind alleys." Bruce follows that with an ultimate road of choice, but maybe it's never even found. Maybe you just need to take the ride. And maybe it leads you where you think you were headed, or maybe it's a completely different path, or maybe it's nowhere. But at least you took that trip. Nothing can replace that. And nothing will.