Clean Air

I can vividly remember the first time I bought a pack of cigarettes. I was seventeen years old and I was driving on Route 17 in Paramus, NJ. I stopped at Exxon for gas and pondered the purchase. I figured I'd just buy one pack. I mean, I clearly wasn't going to get hooked after one pack. I thought and thought. And I made the purchase. Camel Lights. This was 1990.

Today I quit. Last night I had my last smoke at about 1115pm. I quit once before for about seven months, but I started again. This time I am done.

When I woke up this morning the stress was immediate. Oddly enough, I felt ok up until about 2pm. The past four hours have been pretty close to unbearable. The cravings come about every two minutes and they come with a fury. When I sit through them, I get dizzy, or I begin to sweat. I can't sit still. I just want to put an end to this desire. But I won't.

RJ Reynolds can KISS MY ASS. You had a grip on me for 17 years but it's over. You will never see another penny of my money.

I hate tobacco companies. But I don't really blame them for my addiction. I was 17 years old and old enough to make the right decision. I made the wrong one. And I've now been hooked for half of my life. But I did visit the RJ Reynolds website tonight. Ya see, I need fuel to keep strong.

I found their job opportunities section quite amusing:

R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company (R.J. Reynolds) faces challenges that are unique compared to most other consumer-product companies, and we recognize that some people do not wish to pursue career opportunities in the tobacco industry.

For those who might consider our company, however, it is important to know that we emphasize finding innovative ways to operate within the framework of a principled approach to product development, manufacturing, marketing and selling. To learn more see the company's Guiding Principles and Beliefs.

R.J. Reynolds offers a level of challenge, responsibility and creativity for motivated employees that stands apart from the crowd. Our company has always had an extremely low turnover rate among our employees.

Again, I don't blame the tobacco companies, but I do think that they have *some* responsibility here. Who in the WORLD could work for such scum? I guess it's the same folks who walk the halls of Exxon or the White House.

Ok, I got that all out. For the moment, the cravings have drifted. But they'll be back and they'll be strong. But only for a few days or weeks. Either way, it doesn't matter - I'm done. For good.